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[Jun. 10th, 2004|10:34 am] |
We were going to be fighting an army unlike any had ever seen before, and I pray never will be seen again. The Phelan people had no defense against Undeath.
So I cursed them with Undeath itself by 'trading places' with Xiu Ling, a Necromancer from the modern Calabrian age. Xiu Ling enabled them to fight the armies of the Undead.. but he did so by raising the Phelan dead so that they would continue to fight past the time their hearts stopped.
I allowed the shade of Xiu Ling to teach me Necromancy, so that the knowledge might benefit his.. and MY.. friends. Roen, Tybalt, Lord Nikulai. There is a price to be paid for such knowledge, and I fear.. I fear for my very spirit, now.
We stand to meet our arch nemesis.. Lady Jakoba. She was /THE/ reason.. or so I convinced myself.. to learn Necromancy. By aquiring this dark and forbidden lore, I hoped to counter her. To be able to abort whatever she was doing.. or if not abort it, then be able to stop it before the damage was great.
In.. in the Don's estate, Tybalt removed something that had been.. if not posessing me, then at least guiding me to some end. We found a laboratory of the darkest arts, laden with implements and devices... and occupants kept long past their time. The precise events escape me.. but Roen's sword broke all kinds of Necromancy, that day. It purged the taint from the room.. destroyed the dark texts.. laid to final rest the remains that had been fighting us.
It also, evidently, removed some form of insanity from Lady Jakoba. Whatever was done, was done in the Necromantic laboratory. Is it then fair to say that Roen removed the taint that warped the soul of Lady Jakoba? If this is the case.. and I fear that it is... then is the same taint not warping me? I fear that it is. Why else would the voices whisper in my ear that I have no place with my friends? Why else would I be silently urged by something to leave, to depart, to continue my studies on my own? Why else would.. COULD.. I have been persuaded to pause my studies of my LIFE.. my Druidism, in favor of something so black and foul?!? Yes... I fear that the taint is starting to take hold. But I am aware of it now. I have stopped my studies of the Dark Arts.. save for one last spell. It is inadvisable to leave a spell like THAT half-learned; it would be akin to leaving the door to the powder magazine open while new archers were practicing with flaming arrows and bolts.
How proud I was, when I changed places. How.. YOUNG.. How utterly convinced I was that there was no taint, or that if there was, that I could defeat it as easily as one might bring down game for the evening meal? How totally inexperienced and filled with Hubris! When I wonder if it is worth it.. if putting my body and spirit in harm's way.. I think of Brianna, and what was done to her. I look at young Lord Tybalt and see the man he is becoming. I see the joy in Roen's eyes, when he looks upon his brother. I see the glances that Nikulai and Saruto exchange. Is it worth it? Yes. Yes, it is.. and was.. and will be.
But it is not easy. I must forever be on my guard against the taint spreading.. against the injudicious use of the Evil I have taken into me. I must control it. I must CONTAIN it.
I must be very, very careful.. and I must.. pray to the Skies that the course I have chosen for my life will not rain destruction on us all.
I am afraid.. far more afraid than I have ever been in my life. |
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| Times present, past, and perhaps a future. |
[Sep. 29th, 2003|02:02 am] |
Events happened today that I would assume are more important to the general populace at large than the quiet ponderings of one misplaced Druidess. Perhaps it is selfish of me to concentrate on my own issues rather than setting them aside. I cannot, though.
Here in my own writings, I can be honest with myself. I cannot voice what it is I feel to the others for fear that in so doing will cause that which I fear will come to be... and that which I fear is rapidly becoming inevitable.
I do not know how much longer I shall be travelling with my companions.
Things started amicably enough... Roan and I settled our differences regarding ends and means... I think. It seemed that way, at the least. In truth, I do not believe we were as far apart in our views as I first thought. That was encouraging.
What was NOT encouraging is what happened before we sent Tybault off to Triskellion. Originally, /I/ was supposed to cloak myself in mists and fly to Triskellion, deliver a series of notes to Nikulai's man there, swing by Daryll's home and obtain a chunk of something from the inside of it, then return. The amazing part is that I didn't have to.. nor DID I.. say a word about anything in this whole exchange. Events altered from them trusting me to do this task for them, a task I was actually looking forward to doing... to me sitting here at the di'Mercur estate house reading over old books in Zhuonggese.
Why this is so, I'm not entirely sure. My companions, throughout their entire discussion, went from me performing this task to Tybault going with Menke, or perhaps one of the others.. I'm not sure. To be truthful, once it had turned away from my having any part in it... I fell into thought. I confess, I paid very little attention from that point on. I was far more engrossed in attempting to divine by Augury or any other means that I have the reasons why this came to be.
Surely if my companions did not feel me capable of the task, they would mention it to me, and tell me what I needed to do in order to garner their trust for such a thing. That they did not, however, makes me wonder. Do I truly have a place with them? Have I done something unknowingly that has precluded any reason for them trusting me with so trivial a task as delivering a piece of parchment and obtaining some scraps of wood?
I feel myself withdrawing even more, as I ponder these things. Evidence that Nikulai would surely call circumstantial leads me to believe that there is something wrong. I ponder my contributions over the past several weeks of our journey and find that there is comparatively little that I /HAVE/ contributed. I have had an argument with Roan over ends and means. I've settled the discussion with both Roan and Nikulai. I twisted the soul of an Autarch and dropped him from a tree. I did take great pleasure in sinking a clothyard shaft into Lystragones' belly.
It seems that I'm useful if someone needs to be made imperceptible, and if a second flying imperceptible scout is needed. With the discovery of more libraries within the diMercur estate comes the knowledge that there is at least one spellbook that can provide much the same sorts of things that I can.. making one invisible to detection. With that, it appears that I am good for offering Auguries. Lord Nikulai has indicated that he wishes to learn to read the ways of the spirits.. I have agreed to teach him for several of reasons. Not the least of which is that if the time comes for me to depart, there will be someone who will read somewhat the way I do. That ought to be enough to supplement Tybault's growing second sight as well as Roan's Augury abilities.
My thoughts disturb me. It feels as if I've already made a decision and have started cutting ties, emotionally.
I wish so badly Barak was with me, right now. Standing by my side. Comforting me when I hurt, as I do when she hurt. A sister in arms, who knows what it is to be Phelan, and Druid.
It hurts, and badly, when one is with their group of friends and companions.. and can still feel alone.
I have asked Xiu Ling to start teaching me fencing. I like when he teaches me of Zhuonggo.. the scenery changes to a pagoda-style temple, with plum and cherry blossoms on the trees and the scents rich in the air. I feel at peace there.
But even Xiu Ling feels my sadness and disquiet when the realization comes that I only feel at peace when I'm asleep in a world that exists only behind my own eyelids.
As I said before.. I do not know how much longer this can go on. I am sure the others have noticed the growing separation of mind and spirit, and the diluting of purpose. Xiu Ling bades me to hold on, just a little bit longer for surely something will come to pass.
For his sake, for the sake of my companions, I struggle to give him that time though nearly hope one of the others will break my privacy and read these words.
I find that I cannot go on. Weariness of body and weariness of spirit take their toll. I shall sleep.. and I shall seek out Lenth. Perhaps he then might have words of solace, of comfort. And advice on things that I have not yet discovered for myself.
---Dierdre |
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| Lystragones... Calabrian Politics.. and new ways of looking at things. |
[Sep. 22nd, 2003|09:00 am] |
We made it to Ikitai-tote intact, with comparatively little fuss.
Watching Tybault reunited with his family was both heartwarming and heartbreaking... Warming, of course, to see the boundless joy in his eyes and theirs at a family long apart brought together again. Heart-breaking because it seems that the Princess Bianka bespelled her own family in order so that they would not worry about her... or follow her in an attempt to bring her back. Considering that she did this at the tender age of six... I can see most definitely where Tybault gets the eerie precociousness with things Arcane. I am glad we did not have to sleep the night under their roof, as I fear Tybault's mother and father would soon blow the roof off the house much as she destroyed the bedroom in some sort of explosion. I don't believe I'll inquire as to the details.
Regardless, Tybault's parents were released from the spell their daughter had put upon them... and I am uncertain, but I believe we are to bring her back to them if possible to face a rather irate family. I somehow doubt that Bianca will be able to sit down for any significant length of time... but then, she wouldn't be sitting anyway if she follows the familial norms.
They know of things arcane, and seemed to know of the numbers were that we discovered on the top of the Telducotian mountain. What precisely they are, we don't know... but it appears that they're related to an artifact called.. Pons.. Pons.. Pons something-or-other which turned out to be a variant of Andre's Gateway. Regardless, Tybault's parents drew us a map, and we set out on a journey to these ruins.
Where we found Lystragones performing some sort of ritualistic sacrifice with Monica chained to an obsidian slab of sorts.
Lystragones was soundly put down, the Maia under his fell control released, and was promptly bound and bundled up to be transported back to Calabria to face justice. I thought of pointing out that given the fact that Lystragones has committed crimes against the priesthood of Eriamote, that perhaps he should be turned over to them. However, I kept silent, believing that our claim was the stronger. The Maia we freed from Lystragones didn't seem to want him.. then, we didn't offer either. I would assume that if they wished to provide their own justice in this issue, they would have requested that of us. Perhaps that will be done by the Maia elders in Ikitai-tote.. we shall see.
However, I have come into conflict with Calabrian politics yet again. Nikulai was taking down Lystragones' confession... and specifically ordered Annushka to write down something that was not true. He did this in front of everyone... and everyone simply kept silent about it.
I, however, could not. I was hurt deeply by what Nikulai had done right there, and I told him so in so many words. I told him that I was sickened by him, and that his actions disgusted me. He was understandably hurt... but I told him that what he was doing was wrong. He was lying as a matter of convenience.. and that he should never again question what Arcane arts I study, as he no longer has the moral right to do so.
Nikulai thought about this for a moment, and then had the Histories set straight.
I, however, inserted my foot into my muzzle. Calabrese is not my first language. I could have explained it so ELOQUENTLY in my native tongue. But I cannot, in Calabrese.
Roan justifiably called me on something, but I lacked the Calabrese to say what I meant. He asked if what Nikulai was doing was any different than my implied agreement to not reveal the Don's secret. I did not believe so, as the Don's secret lies in the righting of a grevious wrong... also due to Lystragones. Roan then asked if my suggestion to edit Tybault's thesis in order to protect the Nexus points was in the same class. I said no, as it also benefitted my people.
Roan's reaction was justified, and he rounded on me. Due to the fact that I cannot think properly in Calabrese all that quickly, I could not formulate things. I eventually told him and the others that part of the reason I objected to Nikulai's way of relating the confession was the fact that it was leaving an enemy at their backs... a Noble falsified charges against Tybault's parents and caused the fall of their noble house. That assuaged things, as they understood... but it also turned out that said noble was already dead.
I will, however, go and speak with Roan and Nikulai and tell them this:
I did not divulge the Don's secret, nor will I, as it was a matter of a wrong being righted. What was supposed to be, was not. Through the actions of Roan and Tybault, that situation was made right.
I did not suggest the editing of Tybault's thesis and keep that secret solely for the benefit of the Phelan. I did so for the protection of all peoples across Calabria. Even though I have no love for the Bisclavret, even though I have no love for the Rinaldi or the Avoirdupois... I do not wish them subject to the whim of someone like Lystragones wielding the power of the Nexus points. Such would be horrifying to even contemplate.
I objected to Nikulai's editing of history, as it did not RIGHT a wrong... it PERPETUATED a wrong. One does not leave a knife on the floor for an infant to play with; they do not know it's measure. Therefore, we were justified to edit Tybault's thesis until we closed the Nexus point, as that would have been akin to leaving one of Nikulai's grenades lit and on a pile of other grenades for said infant to play with.
Nikulai was putting words in Lystragones' mouth that suited a situation.. a matter of political convenience and, if not an outright lie, then a definite bending of the truth. What Nikulai was doing would have a definite impact, not only on Lystragones (though I believe that THAT one's fate is sealed) but on many others. It is wrong to perpetuate the lies, and interject them into their way of doing things. Such is what brought about the fall of Tybault's noble house.
I will not apologize for what I said; I stand by it. My respect for Nikulai has grown, as it takes a strong sort to admit they were wrong when so confronted.. and he set things aright again.
The only matter of concern then was what Monica said. She stated, quite flatly, that the ends do justify the means. If that were the case, then Lystragones never did anything wrong. The means he chose to the end he sought would then be justified. If THAT were the case, then it would be arguable that the only Law that exists is the Law of Strength. If one is stronger than another, then the weaker has no choice.. at all.. EVER. We were stronger than Lystragones, due to my magics, and due to the efforts of us all. What we did was right, I shall not argue that. It was right, though, not because we were stronger than Lystragones, but because Lystragones was killing and manipulating those weaker than himself.
One lesson Barak was always trying to drill into my head was that with power comes responsibility to use that power well. Lystragones assuredly wasn't. I would argue that we did.
I do not believe the ends justify the means. I pray that Monica doesn't as well.. or if she DOES believe that, that Lord Niktopolian, despite his growing love for Monica, doesn't listen too closely to her on that point.
I go now to tell Roan and Nikulai of this. Hopefully they will understand. |
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| And yet again. |
[Sep. 19th, 2003|11:13 pm] |
Once again, I find myself blasted through time and space, with evidently the very history of the world being the victim.
How precisely this happened, I do not know. But I am beginning to fear that despite the reassurances of my long-dead brothers and sisters of my Druidic order, we did the wrong thing by closing off the nexus points.
I strongly suspect that there is either another nexus point here in Eriamote, or something much like it. How else would a spectre of someone.. perhaps an Autarch, or one of their progeny, 'break' the world.. wipe all memory of Telducat from the memory of everyone other than those I travel with? How else would it be possible to literally remove Telducat from the memories of the world and give it another name.. with another ruler that bears striking resemblance to the illusory Princess I uncovered in her own throne-room?
Something tells me I have yet to see the whole story.. and that I am going to see it, whether I will, or no. For the moment, we are resting in a villiage, gathering our frayed wits, and preparing to head off to look for our comrades in arms. If we will find them, I do not know.. but thusfar, the spirits are providing a bounty of positive signs for us to follow. It is as if the world itself knows it has been wounded and is guiding us to the surest path for it to be healed.
There are several matters that concern me, however. When the posessing spirit left the Jakoba woman, it came to me.. and whispered in my ear that I was 'almost suitable'. Then it left, for parts unknown. Tybalt let it slip that this Jakoba woman is a practitioner of the so-called 'Dark Arts'. If the posessing spirit is the one we think it is, it was last seen posessing her brother, Vaslov, who is WELL known for his Necromantic propensities. It seems that this spirit has a preference for taking over Necromantic Foxes. Fortunately, I am Phelan.. a Wolf. I fear, however, that if a more 'suitable' host is not found, it will come back to me and make do with what it has on hand. If that happens, I doubt I shall survive for long.. either by my hand, or by the actions of my compatriots as they try to free me from it's grasp, I shall likely perish.
Another thing I find concerning is my growing grasp of Calabrese-ian politics. Politics, it appears, is based purely on simple convenience, mild untruths, and outright lies. Nikulai allowed me to cry on his shoulder when he'd nearly had me convinced that the Dark Arts were going to swallow me whole and flatulate my death-song to the four winds. How is it then that in the abbreviated battle with the Jakoba woman that Nikulai silently told me to twist the Jakoba's soul?
We handled the fight better as we could have ever expected.. and without resorting to those arts. I have started to suspect that it is Nikulai's fear of the 'Dark Arts' that drives him. The fear is justified.. there is much to be afraid of. However, I also believe that the studies will become necessary.. but I shall not use them unless /I/ feel the cause just. I must treat these arts with as much respect as I do Lorkin's feathers. I have no doubt that Lorkin would gut me if I summoned him inappropriately, much as the Dark Arts would if used improperly.
I grow weary of the jungle. There are no comforting howls on the wind.. none of my own kind anywhere nearby. Something inside of me begins to desire closer contact with my people.. perhaps I am, as Barak always used to suspect I would, finally settling down and desiring a family of my OWN.
However, I am not yet done with the travels and adventures with my companions. They are my Family as well... and you do not leave your family in times of need. The urges are not strong, yet.. but they are there. Someday, I shall have my own family and teach my cubs the Old Ways, and teach them the Druidic magics if it is their desire to learn.
Someday. But not yet. Not yet.
--Dierdre |
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| Memoirs. |
[Sep. 16th, 2003|10:42 am] |
Much has happened, and there seems to be nothing but time to write about it.
Writing. That's something interesting in and of itself, considering that less than two weeks ago I was functionally illiterate. Now I can read and write Zhongguese. I can read and write Calabrian. Not as well as the young Tybault or Nikulai, but well enough to get my point across. I will ask that anyone who reads this not berate me too strongly about my mis-spellings. Such things will improve in time. A fortnight ago, I would have added a quill to my Morrigna-feather necklace instead of dipping the end in a pot of ink and taking it to parchment.
I am what the Calabrese call a 'Druid', and I was the High Druidess of Shenn Sharnane. I am uncertain as to what has happened in truth, but thusfar I have pieced together some small facets of my past:
- 700 years ago, my clan and I were catapulted some 4500 years further into the past. I consulted the spirits regarding this, and received a most strange answer in the form of Xiu Ling. Over the course of several weeks, Xiu Ling would come to me in my dreams, and I would come to him in his. As it turns out, Shenn Sharnane was naught but a legend in the 'modern' day. The Phelan were scattered and fractured into multiple clans.. even moreso than usual. They were being hounded on all sides by enemies.. the Chevarnaise. Doloreaux. The traitrous Bisclavret. But the one thing above all others that drew me to Xiu Ling was the fact that he at least was making progress on what had happened to Shenn Sharnane.
You see, I knew it was a powerful and spiritual place. There was something else here.. a power like I have never seen or felt before. Xiu Ling and his companions were on a quest to discover exactly what.. and they had managed to start walking that path of knowledge. They had found pieces of a tablet.. a portion of which had evidently sealed Shenn Sharnane off from the rest of the world.
Then came the fateful day where Xiu Ling proposed that he and I change places. He had uncovered that a war was brewing in my time, and that we were absolutely unprepared for the scope of it. Xiu Ling was, as is said, a Necromancer. He trafficked with the spirits as well, but in a more manipulative fashion. He could make the dead stand up and fight on... but he could also lay them back down into their deserved rest. An army of these things were coming from Tolotev's kingdom and were about to swarm us.
Xiu Ling's solution was one that my people have had intimate experience with; shifting through time. Xiu Ling felt that I could be of more use to his friends than he himself could at the present time. I knew that he could be of more use to my people than I could. He could stem the Undead tide that threatened my clan.
The shift happened quickly and without undue difficulty.
The short form of the story is that we've closed off the Nexus points and have brought Shenn Sharnane back to what it should always have been; a peaceful, restful, spiritual place. I confess that I fell into a dark depression and was brooding due to pure, unadulterated homesickness. The Phelan of my time don't follow the Old Ways. I am as anachronistic to them as they are to the Rinaldi and the Bisclavret. The Bisclavret, Doloreaux, Avoirdupois.. all these so called 'Noble Houses' would gleefully wipe out the remnants of my proud people.
I have no home. I have no family, save for the companions at my side. I see why Xiu Ling treasured them so... and I have come to think of them as near to blood kin as is possible without having been whelped from the same bitch. I would die for them, would it save their lives.
When Shenn Sharnane was finally set right, Xiu Ling spoke to me again. He said that he had come back in time to help my people, and he was grateful for how I'd helped his companions. He said to me that there was the very real potential that his talents would be needed sometime in the future, and that since he could no longer be there to provide them to his friends that he could teach them to me.
Thus I began walking the Path of the Dead. I too am now a Necromancer. Not a good one, but the Dead now hear my call and will respond. As a certain Autarch learned much to his surprise (and the surprise of my Family)I have also learned to tug upon the strings of one's Soul to cause it to become discordant and painful within the shell of the housing vessel.
In so doing, I have evidently disappointed and put fear in the hearts of my Family. They do not understand.. they cannot understand what it is that I do, and the reasons why. I learn these things not to gain power for myself. But if I had not learned what I know, would we have survived the Autarch? It is because I twisted his black spirit in his chest that he fell from his vantage point and we gained better ground for the conflict. Had I not learned what I know now, would I have been able to learn about the entity that stalks the palace in Teldukat?
It grieves me that Tybault trusts me no longer and looks at me askance when he believes me not to be looking. Nikulai is more understanding, having gained an appreciation for the Arts due to Monica's animation. He cautions me to be judicious in the application of these arts for fear of drawing undue attention to myself from the wrong sorts of eyes.
He remains deluded to or chooses to ignore the fact that I am already under a sentence of Ostracism or even Death should the Bisclavret or worse, the Avoirdupois catch me. They already view Druids as abominations, and the Phelan as 'Primitives'. Nothing has changed, other than I have gained in my ability to keep those I care for alive and safe. If anyone tries to harm my Family, they'll see just how primitive I can be. Lorkin, a Morrigna (War-Goblin) will have a few choice words and a few sword-strokes for the subject, as well.
Though I would die for my Family... I do not always agree with them. We journeyed to Teldukat in order to assist the Princess in re-aquiring control of her lands. Nikulai is a Diplomat for the Rinaldi, and was investigating the possibility of a military alliance.
I for one am investigating the possibility of a military alliance... between Teldukat and the Phelan people. The Rinaldi et al have enough territory. If I can negotiate a place on Teldukat for the Phelan, perhaps then we would be able to have a home again where we don't have to be surrounded by enemies. Such is my hope. I don't know if I will be successful.. I don't know how my Family will react. I have told them not to judge me part of their political structure, but I have not told them of my hopes for the Phelan people and the Teldukotians.
There's a knock on my door. Undoubtedly it's Nikulai come to let me know that the afternoon meal is being served on deck. I must go, but I shall return to write more of this later.
--Dierdre
--High Druidess of Shenn Sharnane |
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